posted on: 1.07.2012

© Parker Fitzgerald

I'd be a hypocrite if I spoke and acted as if all is well with me and God. It hasn't. This is the most difficult season I've gone through. For a second, I thought the fire would consume me. It didn't. And if it hasn't, it will not.

The Lord gave me a Scripture (2 Chr. 20:12) & a word ('believe') for last year. The Lord hasn't given me a new word or Scripture for 2012 yet, so I assume those still apply.

I got the idea that the Lord was teaching me faith. I had this post prepared for you the past few days with Scripture and encouragement, I mean it was going to be great! Unbelief is something I've been struggling a lot this season, so of course I knew what I'd be talking about. Then the Lord didn't allow me to. Until today. When He broke me.

Romans 1:17 says,

For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.”
And what is faith?
Faith is trust.
Faith is believing.
Faith is faithfulness.
Faith is [patiently] waiting.
Faith is obedience.
Faith is security.
Faith saves (Luke 7:50).
Faith heals (Luke 8:50).

You see, I've been learning a lot about faith! It hasn't helped that I've really doubted God in everything. The enemy partnered with circumstance to make me believe God will not come through. I can't believe I felt for that lie! God loves to work in the impossible so of course He needs unlikely circumstances. Anyway, I doubted.
I hurt the Lover of my soul, the One who has never left me, because I did not believe.

Then, something happened to me.
A friend and I were at a park and there was a homeless man there. We had just gotten back from Denny's and my friend loves their pancakes, so she had one to take home. My friend has a kind heart, and she asked the man if he was hungry, to which he said he was. She offered him her pancake and he said he needed to see it first. Ok, cut the scene! At this point, I'm angry. The guy is hungry and he is demanding to see the food first? uhh, he should be grateful we even care. Resume scene: We go to the car and get the pancake. My friend is worried the man will have to eat it with his hands, so she thoroughly checks her car for a knife and fork. She thoroughly looked and found one knife and one fork. We praised God for this. Plus, she added wipes for him to use.
We give him everything and the guy doesn't say thank you, but we turn around and go back to our place in the park. I glance back halfway and catch the guy throwing everything in the garbage. I can't believe a hungry man just threw away a perfectly good looking pancake. I was offended. We got rejected by a homeless man. Our efforts, our thoughtfulness, & our giving meant nothing.

This bugged me for days until today. The Lord finally revealed.
And it shattered me.

This season is about something bigger than faith; it's about love.
Love is being rejected by the ones who need the most. Love gives, it does not take, no matter how deserving or not the person is.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Cor 13:1-7
I doubted Love Himself. I haven't been able to stop sobbing and asking God for forgiveness. Every time I've been rude, doubtful, impulsive, selfish and prideful (I'm ashamed to say it has happened too often recently) I've been that homeless man accepting what I need from the Lord and throwing it away. I've demanded when I am no one to tell God what to do and how to do it.

I speak to you right now, you're in the furnace and you feel the flames so close to you that you want to give in and let them consume you. Don't! It will not consume you. Love is like the ocean, drown it His presence! He will extinguish the flames before they reach your bones. He will heal you with the Living water.
All you have to do is believe. It's not your knowledge, your money or the time you spent at church or serving, it is by faith. And faith, without love, is nothing.

Jesus said to the woman,
"Your faith has saved you; go in peace." Luke 7:50

To love is to believe.

13 Smiles:

  1. I believe in love :) Love can heal you spirit and soul for all your life time<3

  2. Perfect.



    Thank you.

  3. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  4. Man, I have been here too! This is such a powerful lesson. I feel like I've been learning to trust the voice of God and obey in faith...and it's SUPER hard. It's crazy to think how much I doubt when He comes through every. single. time.

  5. We read this scripture in church today. This message was timely. Sometimes giving love hurts - it causes you to forget your pride and is true vulnerability. You're laying it all out there and you could possibly be rejected. But love never fails.
    Thank you for these words. xx

  6. i have definitely experienced this...very recently too, a very similar situation. i had to see God was cultivating an unshakeable love in me... your post articulated that beautifully!!! you're amazing.

  7. This is so crazy but God gave our church that scripture and more importantly, me. And 2 Chr. 20:15. Crazy how big He is!
    And, I will admit, this has been one of the hardest seasons of my life but He brought me here, so He's going to take me through.

  8. thank you for such a vulnerable post!! God WILL come through for you! He likes to stack the odds against himself so that he can blow your mind : ) don't give up and don't lose hope, dear one!

  9. God just keeps at our souls, doesn't He...refinery refinery refinery, just when i think i'm out of the refinery, i'm NOT. It's b/c you are so faithful, and such a mad seeker that He keeps pruning and growing and stretching and bringing you to new new-ness. I feel like sometimes just when I think I've "arrived", then He shows me more and more and more...last time I will ever think that.
    He's so on me, b/c He wants our HEARTS. I'm ok with that. I'm good with that. real good.
    thanks for sharing so much!!!


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