|© eros turannos|
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
—1 John 4:16
I'm about to say more than I should, bear with me.
You know that time when your body begins to change? Some people call it puberty, I call it the "nightmare" period of life. I remember this specific time when I was 12 that I was with my dad at his house and we were laughing, just having a good time and he stops to look at me. It wasn't a creepy stare or anything, he was just looking at me. He leaves, comes back with a razor and says to me, "you need to start shaving your arm pits."
fast forward to last month.
I'm hanging out with Louis in the house, laughing and having a good time with him and then I notice him glance at me. I notice my arm pits and get insecure right away. I'm thinking "Oops, I forgot to shave...awkward"... so I nervously say it out loud: "Uh, I need to shave my underarms (lol)," to which Louis responds "I've seen worse." And we laugh about it, because truth is, I've had them worse.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hippie or anything (no offense if any hippie is reading this), I just forget every once in a while (I bet you do too!). But I can totally understand if this changes your perspective about me, can't blame you for it.
But you see, God took the opportunity to show me something about His love through these moments. My dad and Louis like me so much so, that what I look like cannot diminish their love/like for me. They embrace me for who I am. I can be myself with them (even when I forget to shave my underarms, hahaha).
There is freedom in this, so I will say it again: I can be myself around them because they love me.
And Abba loves me. And that line just brought me to tears.
He loves me, not who I'm trying to be or wanting to be or desiring to be; He loves me, right here, right now.
He loved me back when I was 12, when depression filled my heart; He loved me at 13, when I lost my way. He loved me at 14 when I almost took my own life. He loved me at 15 when I started dating a guy he told me not to; He loved me at 16 when pride had the best of me; He loved me at 17 when I was a lukewarm Christian; He loved me at 18 when I came crawling back to Him like a prodigal; He loved me at 19 & 20 when I struggled to obey Him in the little;
He loved me when I least deserved it, when the sight of me made Him turn the other way.
The Lord remains unfazed by my appearance, by the the hairy sin I keep under my arms at times. He loves me so much that He will embrace me, and while doing so, will point at the areas of my life that need to be shaved off and continue to lavish me with His love.
This is such a *Selah moment for me.
I've struggled with being loved, especially by an Almighty God that doesn't need me but wants me, that doesn't abandon me but seeks me when I'm lost.
I cannot wrap my mind fully on why He loves me, except perhaps that He might glorify Himself in my life through His love for me.
In Him loving me, I suppose I disappear;
I sink in so deep that you no longer see me, but Him.
Today I was the "whoever" that got caught in His embrace.
He not only loved me at 21—He wrapped me in His arms and won't let me go.