|© Carly Hildebrant|
"I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad." (v. 1-2)You'll be happy to know I'm back to blogging! So much has happened since my last post and the unexpected break was what I needed most. It was just God and I, like it usually is, but man He wrecked me. Reality has left me weary.
Earlier this month I received the news that I friend I grew up with was murdered in the streets. Just a year older than I, the news shook me to the core.
How was this possible? How could this be? Where is our future if their bodies are laying dead on the streets?
The underground world here is very much in the surface. Puerto Rico is like the capital of drugs in America. From here, drugs go to either Latin America or the states, very easily; most crimes go unpunishable. It's a sad reality but it's my reality. People are murdered daily, by the dozen. Whether night or day, shootings, rapes, and thefts are happening a lot. It gets worse though. Many of drug lords are kids, as early as 9 years old. The past 4 years, the majority of funerals have been for those between the ages of 12-25. These were the statistics, and I knew this, but I never thought it would hit so close to home. Someone I saw growing up, who was loved, who lacked nothing & who had a bright future was murdered. I slowly sank into a shocked state. The days after it were sort of a haze but I will remember them for the rest of my life. I didn't know what it was like to lose a child until I heard a mother mourning. I didn't know what it was like to stare at someone as young as myself (and as healthy as I was) in a casket until that bleak Saturday. I didn't know what hopelessness was until I asked God where He was in the midst of it all. I didn't know such a tragedy could scar me, but it did.
The Lord truly messed with my theology, the truth about God revealed, in this situation.
What do I say to this mother who sacrificed her whole life for this guy? How do I make sense of this guy's wrong decisions? How does this brokenhearted family go on now? But more importantly, how do I find hope for my country?
"I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." (v.4-5; 8; 10; 14)I will never forget the loss, the emptiness & the grief to those who loved this guy, myself included.
The trail of broken hearts that wrong decisions lead to is unfathomable to me.
"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (v .17-18)He gave me Psalm 34 to bind the wounds of this experience and I'm finally giving birth to this post. If this post inspires you to pray for my country, bless your soul. Violence, immorality & addictions crave for my generation. We must pray against the plans of the enemy for my people. Also, pray for my protection & opportunities to minister to my peers.
I pray for the Lord to equip me to be light here & to help spread the seed of the hope that never fails.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (v. 19)God was near all along. He brought comfort, as much as He could in this present time.
I rest in Him. My heart shall not be troubled, for Love delivers.
There's so much I left unsaid, yet the words from this song resonate with my silence:
verses from Psalm 34