sky high encounter

posted on: 3.16.2013

I've been meaning to write this for a while.
What I'm about to share is something very intimate but I've felt the freedom to share.

In Jan 15th, I came home from visiting my fiancé over the holidays. I didn't know what my future held, except that God was asking me to not go back to school for spring semester.
This was hard. I cried sobbed for 3 hrs (the whole plain ride) with my hands lifted up while worshipping to the song below. I wasn't trying to be dramatic or anything, I just couldn't help the brokenness I felt. Everyone around me kept looking at me as if I was crazy. I just felt the presence of God so heavily & I was melting beneath it.
I wanted to finish school more than anything! I mean, practically all my friends are either graduating in May or already have some sort of degree!! I want to be able to have some kind of a paper that says I'm more than capable of having a full-time job!! How could I not go back to school? And what about my parents? I cannot bear to go on in this life knowing I've disappointed them. On the other hand, I cannot bear to disobey God. I just continued to cry out to God & praise Him in the midst of uncertainty & affliction.

Little did I know that not going back to school would be the least of my worries.

So, I didn't go back to school. And then He told me to plan a wedding. In 6 weeks. For 200 people. Out of state. With a budget of $0. All. In. Faith.

uhhhhhhhhh kay.

"Why God?" I asked.
"Because this is my will for you," He responded.

I get emails all the time that ask me, "what's God's will for my life?" or, "what do I do now with my relationship/job/ministry position?" & the occasional "how do I know this is what God wants me to study?"As much as I'd like to give you answers to these questions, I cannot. I don't even know the answers to these myself! It's not that you're asking the wrong questions—you're just asking the wrong person. I assure you that if you seek and ask God, He will answer you. Now, it may not be what you want to hear, but He will answer. It's up to you to obey or not. And if He doesn't give you security in you taking a step in faith, it's up to you to trust Him or not.

Did I know how it will all turn out? no. Did I know I'd have a beautiful wedding & honeymoon, along with the support of our families & friends? no. Did I know God would give us a home two days before the wedding? sort of (only cause I had asked him to) but no, not really. Did I really think God could come through for us? I had to take a risk and believe He would. And He did. I took the step of faith & I waited. And I cried. And then I waited some more. And cried some more; and I'm still crying. This time, though, of gratitude.

At the end of that plane ride I knew I could trust God. I was nervous & a bit afraid of how God would orchestrate it all. But once I remembered my life was about Him, not about me us, I just watched Him create miracles for Louis & I, each day at a time. Still, to this day, God keeps blessing us. We are jobless & still trying to work out why God would call us to be married now & His purpose for us in this city we're living, but we lack no good thing.

I don't ever regret trusting & obeying God.

"Sometimes when the infinite God conveys His thoughts to finite man, mystery is the result."
—Dave Branon

There May Be Tears by Scott Cunningham Band on Grooveshark

24 Smiles:

  1. oh my gosh this is so deep and personal. i love it. it's really just what i needed right now. can i email you about a problem i'm having with a relationship? :/

  2. So thankful for this.
    & you.
    & your story.

  3. This is total inspiration, thank you so much!!!!

  4. Beautiful! I'll be praying for you :)

  5. This was such a good post... Definitely something I needed to read. I have been struggling big time with my walk lately. But I know that I need to obey the voice of God in my heart and mind. Thank you for sharing sweetheart!

  6. "Preach"!

    I felt like i was reading about my own distress this past summer!! "To Stay or Not to Stay, in Puerto Rico to finish School", i cried, i stressed, i talked to my best friends, my mom and my husband and i also prayed to God for guidance, because i could not bare the idea of not finishing my last 6 classes and have a bachelor's degree diploma! When it was time to make a choice i trusted God's plan and 6 months later i couldn't be more happier with his plans for Gustavo and I. We are living in Japan, we have a home, we have made wonderful friends and we have experienced many exciting new things during the past 6 months that i never thought i was going to experience. I still don't have a job but i trust that God will provide soon enough.

    Yes, somedays i feel bad knowing all my friends graduated this past December, like i was supposed to, that they will be walking in that cap and gown this May.. but then i look at all i have, i breathe and i just know i'll be more than okay. Someday i will be able to finish those 18 credits i have left, the UPR isn't going anywhere! :D

    I am so excited to hear that God gave you a home just two days before the wedding!!! That is just plain awesome and i'm sure everything else will work itself out in time!! I hope you're enjoying the "Newlywed Life" ^_^

    xoxo from Okinawa,

  7. huzzah for God's beastly plans! this is beautiful, lady, love it. :)

  8. I love how your post comes just at the right time for me. i too am waiting for God's plans, and I have the feeling it's going to take a step in faith. Oh and by the way, congratulations! I hope you have a wonderful and blessed life together!!

  9. Reckless trust and abandon to God is a truly beautiful thing, my friend.

  10. I too have had moments like this. God always seems to prove US wrong and HIM right. It's amazing what God does when you truly seek him and truly place all your trust in him.

  11. God's ways seems so crazy sometimes. I love the testimony of how God has brought glory to himself through you and Louis! It's beautiful and it encourages my heart. Love you friend!

  12. i've missed you so much girl. I'm in a similar place. I have no idea what God is doing in my life or what exactly my role is and why He continues to bless me and provide for me through it all. It's all rather interesting and overwhelming and painful... I don't know how to summarize it at all so I just ask for your prayers.

    And congratz on the wedding :) I am so excited for you and what God is doing in and through you. I pray that you and Louis would be used mightily to further His kingdom on earth and that you would both learn to count it all joy because I know He has a special and unique plan for you guys in His body. It's a given right? bank on His truths and promises my dear beautiful sister....!!


  13. Wow! Ashley, thank you so much for opening up to us and sharing this testimony. I had a similar experience last Summer:

    I got engaged October 2011. I was completing the last semester of my Master's degree. I graduated in May 2012 and today, 10 months later, I still don't have a job. Last summer was a hard one for my now husband and I. I didn't have much support from my mother for our engagement. I wasn't working, and my beau only had enough money to either buy a house OR have a really nice wedding for us. I struggled with the date for our wedding, as my mom's disapproval made it more of a conflicting decision to make. In July, I prayed about it and got the date November 24th on my heart, but all the negativity from my mom and not knowing how things would work out caused me to doubt. You see, I was struggling to hear God’s voice during that time because I didn’t even know what He sounded like. A sister from my church would speak to me on occasion and for the entirety of the summer, she kept saying that the Lord keeps bringing me to her and He wants me to know that there is something He wants me to let Him guide me in. I had no clue what that meant. I thought it either had to do with finding a job or dealing with my mom. The last week in September, I met with my Pastor to tell him what my beau and I were facing and how I didn’t think we would be able to make it through. Beau was closing on a house in a couple weeks and even with the money that he thought was enough, there were worries that it wasn’t enough. And so, our November 24th wedding was completely out of reach.

    Long story made short: Beau was able to get our house and payed WAY less than was calculated. He even got money back in the mail after! My pastor offered to help us pay for our wedding. My mom helped me pick out my dress and purchased it for me. And everything came together smoothly for our wedding day in only EIGHT (8) weeks time! … THIS is what the Lord was trying to guide me in. I am so grateful. Right now, my husband is still the only one working, but all the bills are paid and we are not in need of any good thing. The Lord is so gracious and giving, Ashley! Thanks again for sharing this with us.

  14. "He makes everything beautiful in His time." I feel like here on your blog, we get glimpses of Him making your life beautiful, even in the waiting seasons =) Will be praying for the job situation for you two!

  15. wow. this so encourages me right where i'm at. thank you for being genuine :)

  16. I love that you shared this and that you show not everything goes the way we want for a very good reason! His plan is SO much better than what I can even think up. Im piecing together Gods plan for me and with his divine plan and blessing I will be able to start a blog about my relationship with God and also my illustrations and artwork! Thank you for the encouragement and congratulations on you marriage!

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  18. Your courage is so beautiful! Such a challenging testimony of faith.

  19. Gracias Ashley por abrirte y dejarte usar por Dios. !El Señor te uso para hablarme en el momento perfecto! Grecia

  20. I am encouraged by your story and am blessed by your words. Now I am following and am excited to catch up with your other posts! My husband and I will be praying for you guys, that you find jobs, or something even better. God is so good. He's going to blow your expectations way, way, way away.

    Take care,

  21. I want to have faith and partly, I do. I just want to know what to study, and because I haven't heard God's answer yet, I feel like there isn't one yet. I will know, just in time.

  22. thank you soooo much for sharing this!

  23. This is beautiful and truly brings hope to my guy and I. Thank you so much for sharing! <33


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