For the past 4 weeks, the fate of this blog was lifted up in prayer. It had seemed that this chapter of my life (blogging since 2004, on blogger since 2008) was finished & I was ready to move on. I was certain that on July 1st, 2013 I would be writing my last post. So I dedicated the month of June to seeking God's voice for the end of She Smiles, She Writes. However, the answer to my prayers were not the ones I expected.
Instead of quitting this little ministry, God gave me a new beginning. Isn't it easier to abandon the work that is to be done than actually will to do it? I thought I had done enough: enough replying to desperate emails, designing layouts, writing from the overflow of my intimacy with God, enough meeting new friends. Time wouldn't allow it... I would not allow it. I was done—burnt-out; unserviceable.
But the cause of my lack to serve [in this blog] was due to my loveless heart. It wasn't that I didn't love—I just didn't love enough. The state of my loveless heart was something I came aware of in my trip to India, although I could not articulate it at the time. I've been so content with the shallows of Love, that I've failed to sink in the depths of it. When did I lose pursuit of my love for Christ? When did I stop craving the Love of God?
I wasn't able to give and pour out because I didn't have enough love to do so. My attempts would've been just noisy gongs (1 Cor. 13:1). But today, I am in pursuit of loving the way He loves. I am offering to Him all that I am and do, even the most common task is to be consecrated; this is what it means to serve Christ. This is the new beginning, the journey continued; I was blind but now I see the road to Calvary Love.
And because of this, I was able to hear Him clearly about the fate of this blog. He is not finished yet with this blog. If anything, He has more for me to do. But all done in love; beyond the love you've known.
"But love takes what it has in hand, lifts its eyes to heaven, and asks God to make our lives a blessing to people in ways that go far beyond what we are able to give."