For the past 4 weeks, the fate of this blog was lifted up in prayer. It had seemed that this chapter of my life (blogging since 2004, on blogger since 2008) was finished & I was ready to move on. I was certain that on July 1st, 2013 I would be writing my last post. So I dedicated the month of June to seeking God's voice for the end of She Smiles, She Writes. However, the answer to my prayers were not the ones I expected.
Instead of quitting this little ministry, God gave me a new beginning. Isn't it easier to abandon the work that is to be done than actually will to do it? I thought I had done enough: enough replying to desperate emails, designing layouts, writing from the overflow of my intimacy with God, enough meeting new friends. Time wouldn't allow it... I would not allow it. I was done—burnt-out; unserviceable.
But the cause of my lack to serve [in this blog] was due to my loveless heart. It wasn't that I didn't love—I just didn't love enough. The state of my loveless heart was something I came aware of in my trip to India, although I could not articulate it at the time. I've been so content with the shallows of Love, that I've failed to sink in the depths of it. When did I lose pursuit of my love for Christ? When did I stop craving the Love of God?
I wasn't able to give and pour out because I didn't have enough love to do so. My attempts would've been just noisy gongs (1 Cor. 13:1). But today, I am in pursuit of loving the way He loves. I am offering to Him all that I am and do, even the most common task is to be consecrated; this is what it means to serve Christ. This is the new beginning, the journey continued; I was blind but now I see the road to Calvary Love.
And because of this, I was able to hear Him clearly about the fate of this blog. He is not finished yet with this blog. If anything, He has more for me to do. But all done in love; beyond the love you've known.
"But love takes what it has in hand, lifts its eyes to heaven, and asks God to make our lives a blessing to people in ways that go far beyond what we are able to give."
—Phil Ryken
Oh pretty lady, this is what I needed to hear. I contemplated quitting blogging as well, and even though I felt SO burnt out and finished, it didn't feel *right*. It finally dawned on me that blogging isn't about growing my blog or myself (especially in light of GFC supposedly shutting down), but encouraging and loving others through it. Any who, thanks for sharing, friend.
ReplyDeleteLovely post, thanks for sharing! The Lord has been showing me about how little I love lately, and it's something I want to improve, and He is helping me.
ReplyDeleteI have in the past fought not to post on my blog, because I did not want to share how I really felt about certain subjects. The Lord convicted me though and I feel led to use my blog for Him as well, even if I can't always see how my blog is supposed to help people.
Ashley, we need to have a good skype chat. What you wrote here is a revelation the Lord gave me this morning as I drove to work. Then I read this!
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing :)
This was just beautiful and absolutely perfect. I'm so reminded of Crazy Love by this post... when did we forget God's love? And how can we love others adequately when we don't have enough love for ourselves. Or, as you put it so brilliantly:"I wasn't able to give and pour out because I didn't have enough love to do so."
ReplyDeletePerfectly written. It is easier to abandon the work set out for us, but I'm so happy you have chosen to listen to God speak through all of this. Beautiful concluding quote as well!
ReplyDeletewww.chymere-anais.blogspot.com
Thank you for sharing! I have been thinking about you and your blog lately, and hoping you ould write more often:-) So maybe my prayers have been answered too!
ReplyDeleteGlad you'll still be around :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful blog you have!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
I'm new friend in blog land. I need more of your encouragement words please don't quit. I love it too.
It's nice of you seeking God's will toward this blog, I just need to learn it more.
I love your other 2 sites. But this one is my favorite.
Will be praying for you.
Following you now :)
Blessing,
Delvalina
Thank you for your beautiful honesty. It's a great reminder of Calvary Love (I love the book If. Very humbling )
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness! I am so thankful that the Lord has new plans for this place or I would have never made it here! I am new & in love already. You are a beautiful light! I have been taking a step back from my blog too and evaluating and I have come to a similar conclusion. i need to be pushing into Him if i expect that any of my posts or words will have meaning.
ReplyDeleteI am currently in deep consideration of whether or not to begin blogging. It's strange, this is not a "burning" desire I have, as experienced with all the other activities I sought to "do" for Him. It's just this still small voice that has led me (over the past few months) to this idea. For the first time I want to do something with Him, rather than for Him, and I struggle with where to begin. I enjoy writing but do not have a degree or experience, and haven't written anything in quite some time. Yet, I hear His reminder of why He chooses the "foolish" of this world.
ReplyDeleteWhether I "stumbled here" or was led, I am so grateful you decided to heed His guidance to continue this blog.
Carry on sister, indeed He loves you :-)