My soul longs for your salvation;
I hope in your word.
My eyes long for your promise;
I ask, "When will you comfort me?"
For I have become like a wineskin in the smoke,
yet I have not forgotten your statutes.
How long must your servent endure?
When will you judge those who persecute me?
The insolent have dug pitfalls for me;
they do not live according to your law.
All your commandments are sure;
the persucute me with falsehood; help me!
They have almost made an end of me on earth,
but I have not forsaken your precepts.
In your steadfast love give me life,
that I may keep the testimonies of your mouth.
-Psalm 119: 81-88
This was the Psalm for me today. It's really defined the past couple of days. My sould has been growing weary in this season filled with waiting. My last post was all about God asking me to get out of the boat, and just trust Him. I can say I have successfully gotten out of the boat. But now what? A couple months have seemed like an eternity for me in waiting for the promises God has spoken over my life. Not only am I waiting, but all encouragement that I feel I need from my friends has vanished. In the midst of this weariness, though, He comforts.
Carter Conlon of Times Square Church gave a sermon entitled, "The Day that Jesus Left His Friends". It, for me, was a life changing sermon. It was preched out of Matthew 26 (which just so happens to be the book I am in) and it was about the night, that Jesus asked His disciples to pray with Him in the garden of Gethsemane. If you remeber the story, they didn't pray with Him, but actually fell asleep. Carter Conlon explains that there are moments in our lives where our friends are going to fall asleep and the only comfort that will be present will be God and God alone. In these past few days the Lord has shown me that my friends are asleep. It's not that they are sinning, or failures, it's just that in this season, when I feel like I need them the most, they are no where to be found. This is where God comes in.
I want to encourage the sister or brother in Christ who is waiting on the Lord. Sister! Brother! Take heart, God knows! Even though you may feel alone, (as I certainly have) know you're not! This is a season of waiting for me, and not only waiting- but waiting with Christ alone. Even though I would like to have the strength of friends, He is the only one who truly knows what I'm going through. Do you not think that He felt alone that night, praying in the garden? Praise be to God that we have a mediator who truly knows how we feel!
I can't say that the waiting has gotten easier since these revelations has surfaced, but I recognize it's in these times that my worship is crucial. It's in these times that I thank God for all he has done, and will do. It's in these times that I make myself available to the friends that have abandoned me. It's in these times that I hide in my heart this promise: "Those who wait on the Lord will not be put to shame." (Isaiah 49:23)