sky high encounter

I've been meaning to write this for a while.
What I'm about to share is something very intimate but I've felt the freedom to share.

In Jan 15th, I came home from visiting my fiancé over the holidays. I didn't know what my future held, except that God was asking me to not go back to school for spring semester.
This was hard. I cried sobbed for 3 hrs (the whole plain ride) with my hands lifted up while worshipping to the song below. I wasn't trying to be dramatic or anything, I just couldn't help the brokenness I felt. Everyone around me kept looking at me as if I was crazy. I just felt the presence of God so heavily & I was melting beneath it.
I wanted to finish school more than anything! I mean, practically all my friends are either graduating in May or already have some sort of degree!! I want to be able to have some kind of a paper that says I'm more than capable of having a full-time job!! How could I not go back to school? And what about my parents? I cannot bear to go on in this life knowing I've disappointed them. On the other hand, I cannot bear to disobey God. I just continued to cry out to God & praise Him in the midst of uncertainty & affliction.

Little did I know that not going back to school would be the least of my worries.

So, I didn't go back to school. And then He told me to plan a wedding. In 6 weeks. For 200 people. Out of state. With a budget of $0. All. In. Faith.

uhhhhhhhhh kay.

"Why God?" I asked.
"Because this is my will for you," He responded.

I get emails all the time that ask me, "what's God's will for my life?" or, "what do I do now with my relationship/job/ministry position?" & the occasional "how do I know this is what God wants me to study?"As much as I'd like to give you answers to these questions, I cannot. I don't even know the answers to these myself! It's not that you're asking the wrong questions—you're just asking the wrong person. I assure you that if you seek and ask God, He will answer you. Now, it may not be what you want to hear, but He will answer. It's up to you to obey or not. And if He doesn't give you security in you taking a step in faith, it's up to you to trust Him or not.

Did I know how it will all turn out? no. Did I know I'd have a beautiful wedding & honeymoon, along with the support of our families & friends? no. Did I know God would give us a home two days before the wedding? sort of (only cause I had asked him to) but no, not really. Did I really think God could come through for us? I had to take a risk and believe He would. And He did. I took the step of faith & I waited. And I cried. And then I waited some more. And cried some more; and I'm still crying. This time, though, of gratitude.

At the end of that plane ride I knew I could trust God. I was nervous & a bit afraid of how God would orchestrate it all. But once I remembered my life was about Him, not about me us, I just watched Him create miracles for Louis & I, each day at a time. Still, to this day, God keeps blessing us. We are jobless & still trying to work out why God would call us to be married now & His purpose for us in this city we're living, but we lack no good thing.

I don't ever regret trusting & obeying God.

"Sometimes when the infinite God conveys His thoughts to finite man, mystery is the result."
—Dave Branon