An all-too-familiar frenzy

posted on: 8.09.2010

I'm back here again. This place has been a bridge, a place of transition. It takes me from one place to another. I come in with my head held high, dreading the process that will take place. "I just need to check-in and I'll survive", I think to myself. I grip tight to my boarding pass, anxiously waiting in line to check-in toward my next destination, my last adventure before school. There are Hindus next to me, speaking their native language. I am so fascinated by them and I have yet to understand why. Children are running around, profanity is being spoken, & all types of people are gathered here. I see a dark colored woman, then a ivory skin blond girl next. There's something so beautiful about diversity: cultures are carried deeply within the genes of men and women alike. We are either that: a man or a woman. Yet, where we come from makes us different, individuals.

Before I know it, I'm embracing the cold skin of a pole, moving from one end of the terminal to another. There's a white American woman eying me behind me. She's suspicious of me. Or maybe she doesn't like me. Or maybe, she's just not thinking of me at all. The doors open, and we're in the terminal. I make a movement with my hands and I let the woman behind me pass first. We smile.
I start walking at a fast pace. I just want to eat something and get this over with. My flight isn't for a few more hours, but I'm so hungry. I just need a place to eat. Starbucks sounds like a nice treat for afterwards. I pass many faces; some are oblivious to my presence, others take time to appreciate me as they walk by, and just a few look back to see me for two more seconds. I wonder if I have ever seen them or passed by them before. I wonder if I will ever meet any of them in the future. I've been going to this place since I was three years old. I know my way around. As others dream of flying, I have been blessed to have traveled to many countries. Paris, Germany, North Carolina, among others, have welcomed me. Yes, I always find myself in a place like this. I find myself transitioning.

I am headed to Starbucks now. I am focused on getting in line but so much is going on that my mind gets trapped in the frenzy. All of a sudden I feel a tap on my arm and I look at the person in front of me: "Excuse me sweetie, my flight is about to board and we're on a tight schedule, would you mind if I buy my coffee first?" an elegant flight attendant speaks to me. I hadn't had time to snap back to reality so I guess she must have thought I was going to say no. "No...I don't mind at all". I was still staring at her with a blank stare. No emotion, no smile. I let her cut in front of me and I feel okay letting her through. I felt the people behind me being opposed to my actions. I think they can cry me a river. "Hey, it's fine. I know you work hard", I warmly told her. For some reason she looked at me with her kind eyes and rubbed my back. I was thinking more of a 'hey-you-can-pay-for-my-tea' kind of response but I got a comforting one. It's funny how even when you obey what God says, He will reward you with something you need rather than something you want. But I needed the comfort and affirmation that I was walking in His will, even if she had no clue how much that action meant to me. Heck, I should've payed for her coffee! That would've been the extra mile.

I shuffle my things, pick up my passion lemonade tea and I head for the gate. I sit down, call my mother and I tell her a few things. We hang up, & I see people going inside the airplane. I panic slightly. Turns out there's a flight before mine and that explains people going in the plane. I relax, sitting in front of the window. I sit here just looking out at the planes, flying in and flying out. I look around me and there's no one here but me. I turn on my laptop, log in here and I decide to write my heart out. By the time I'm writing this sentence, I hear and all-too-familiar language, the one I was born into speaking. The very same one I will speak in the next few days. "This is good", I tell myself. Today marks a new season. A new process will come. Isn't that what this place is for? It allows you to go toward your destination. My journey is a risky one; I was chosen as I was created in my mother's womb. Life has been hard on me, the processes are not easy ones. They require much. I find joy in knowing that I am doing His will. I know that in the end, everything will be okay. And that is an all-too-familiar frenzy.

4 Smiles:

  1. it is such a wonderful thing to know that God knows exactly what your heart is deeply craving and satisfies that desire over a trivial one :) Have a wonderful journey! I know you'll be blessed in the process! <3

  2. I don't know that I've ever enjoyed reading an entry by you so very much. It was a joy and I wish it had been a book. (It kind of had an introduction ring to it.) I felt like, not only was I actually there, but I got inside your mind a little bit and understood you.

    I miss you. I hope you are feeling better. And I appreciate who you are and your presence in my life.

    Que Dios te bendiga ricamente. Te quiero, mi hermana.

  3. I love looking back at a lot of your older posts. Makes me wonder what present-day-Ashley would say to this one who writes here.


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