The Fear

© Mariam Sitchivana

Well, here I am again.
Today I'm gonna talk to you about a recent struggle: fear.
You may or may not know that this blog is based on this verse:

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25

I smile, I write—that's how it's supposed to go—or that's what the Lord had spoken at the beginning of my journaling/blogging journey.
That wasn't the case this week. But because God loves me so much, He wants to deal with me. He can't leave me where I am: fearing.

So what is fear anyways?

According to the dictionary

Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid; concern or anxiety (via)

According to the Word of God

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."—2 Timothy 1:7

In other translations, they use the word cowardice & timidity to define fear in this verse, so that's the definition I believe that the context of this particular passage gives. Of course there are other fears the Bible talks about (fear of the Lord, etc..) that have other definitions, so please note that I'm emphasizing the fear defined above.

Context: [if you know this already, feel free to skip it] Paul writes 2 Timothy as a final exhortation letter to Timothy. His death is imminent although the timing uncertain. This letter is very personal. Paul calls Timothy to continue the fight of faith & faithfulness (Paul mentions being abandoned by others in his time of need). It's crazy that Paul is about to be executed & he writes an encouragement letter to Timothy. Umm, shouldn't it be the other way around? Paul is about to die! But it's precisely Paul's testimony that points Timothy in the right direction: what he calls Timothy to do, he himself has done already. I don't know about you but, knowing that Paul had fears too makes me feel a lot better about myself.

Fears. I've been worrying, fearing & making scenarios in my mind of "what ifs". Anxiety overload shut me down emotionally. It kept me depressed—I didn't get out of bed for TWO days! I was seeking God still but I knew He wanted to reveal the root of my fears.

"Fear paralyses us. It can keep us from all that God has in store for us. If you're afraid you don't know the character of the One whose hand is holding you. Fear kept the Israelites from Canaan. Fear is the opposite of faith; it is a sin. God wants to free you from fear."
—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It all became clear to me after reading those words: God was asking me to let go of my expectations. I had listened to the lies the enemy fed me. The worst was realizing that they came from me. I was idolizing my expectations over God's plans for my life. I didn't want to be engaged at 21; I wanted to have my degree by 23; I wanted to get married after having that degree; I don't even want to have a wedding in the middle of the semester. I had pictured my life going a certain direction and it dawned to me that it was not what God had in mind. I was serving my expectations and that's where my fear came from. It was all about what I wanted not about what the Lord wanted.

In order to live the life God has for me I have to stop living in the confinements of fear. I must let go of the expectations everyone has for me, including my own. I serve God, not me (or anyone else for that matter). I desire to go to Canaan, to my spiritual promised land.
Yet, more than going to the promised land, I want to obey the Lord.

If you find yourself struggling with fear, your expectations or maybe the expectations someone else has for you, I encourage you to read Isaiah 55 in your time with the Lord. His kindness in this passage will calm your anxious heart.

"...you are disobedient, you are trying to keep some part of your life under your own control. That is what is preventing you from listening to Christ and believing in His grace. You cannot hear Christ because you're willfully disobedient. Somewhere in your heart you are refusing to listen to his call. Your difficulty is your sin."
—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The call for you is to come to Him. Give Him your worries, your fear, your sin.
That is the invitation of Isaiah 55: let go and let God.

(This song is a metaphor of what fear does: you spend all this time worrying, growing apathetic, when you could stop worrying & start living the life you deserve: a life free from the bondage of fear.)