We're going to India!

"You can always give without loving, but you can never love without giving."
—Amy Carmichael, missionary in India for 55 years

Fundraising for India has been an incredible journey for me. I started offering ads on this blog last Oct and I was set on doing that until the beginning of this year. However, once wedding plans happened, I wasn't too focused on going to India since, well, I was planning a wedding in 6 weeks. But by the beginning of this month, I started putting a lot more effort and by 2 weeks I had raised 85% of my goal. The people who were donating gave out of a generous heart and out of their need. It broke me beyond measure. I even got a scholarship from the amber fund for short term missions. It's incredible what people can give when they believe in someone.

I can honestly say that whatever God has in store for us in India, whatever experiences and lessons He will teach us, has already started here. He's been dealing with me now, preparing me for India, long before I set foot on that plane. I'm excited and, if I'm honest, a bit afraid but I'm choosing to step through my fear towards faith. There's a few things that will we birthed from the trip and I can't wait to be able to share that with you guys soon.We're going to India! And like all things with us, this is a faith declaration. I still have $262 left I need to raise, while Louis still needs $1200 $700  (update: we're both paid for!) by May 1st. At this point, we're not worried about finances, but we are giving our best efforts in raising the money. At the end of the day, it's all pocket change for God—nothing beyond His ability to provide.

If you would like to help us get to India, here's how:

• Pray for our team. For us to be prepared, diligent & willing to serve.
• Pray for Calcutta Mercy Ministries. The hospital recently suffered from a fire and they need funds to be able to continue operations.
• Make a donation by going to this site & writing 'Destinations - India May 2013 - Louis Holstein' on the comment box. If you enter your address, we will send you a token of gratitude from India.
• Sponsor this blog. There's currently one spot open this month!

This will be my first mission trip and I'm excited to go with our team! 

Thank you for being part of my journey.

Always Christmas, never winter.

Christmas weekend was lovely.
 I made new friends & fell more in love with you.

"To love another is to see the face of God." —Les Miserables 

 with you it's always Christmas, never winter.

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays

I can't believe it's Christmas already and the year 2012 is about to come to an end!

I'm grateful to be celebrating this season with my loved ones & I am believing for bigger things in 2013.

Material things fade in comparison to family & the story of Jesus.

I hope the best for you today and the days to come.

May joy abound!

Merry Christmas & a Happy 2013,
a pretty lady & her handsome guy.

L+A // 2 year anniversary

first time L visited PR
Well, we made it to two years... the fact that he asked me out for the first time back in 2010 still gives me butterflies. The waiting was worth it and we're still not done "waiting".
Thanks for 2 years of putting up with the good, the bad & everything in between.

The day my iPhone shattered.

On Sunday night my iPhone's back shattered. It got tangled between my sheets (they're white—it happens) and well, somehow the phone landed on the floor, shattering it's back.

The distance from my bed to the floor is not much, so I'm not sure how it cracked... but it did this time.

I was tempted to cry for one second because of course the iPhone is not cheap and repairs tend to be pricey, but most of me was so relieved....actually, I was happy. For some odd reason, my phone wouldn't turn on, even if the back was the only thing shattered. I thought for sure it would still work regardless of a shattered exterior. No quite.

"Well God, I need you to wake me up tomorrow morning because my phone was my alarm."—I said at 2am (when I needed to wake up at 6am).

He did. At 6am sharp.

When I got stuck in my school's parking because the parking thing wouldn't let me in (the thing gives you a number to call if that sort of thing happens), it just so happens that the parking manager was only a few feet away from my car. Another God thing.

When my second class was going to start, and I had no idea because I didn't have my phone to tell me time, someone who had the time kindly stayed with me until it was time for my class.

When I was meeting with someone but had no idea is she would be on her way or if she had left already, God quieted my soul & assured me she would be there.

When I almost had a car accident today (not my fault by the way), I saw God protect me in a way where I literally felt I had cheated death.

God was there for all of it.

And as I was walking to class, I felt God tell me to write about what I learned from having a shattered phone.

I learned to be present & aware.

I learned patience.

I learned to wear a watch.

I learned that I trust God more than I give myself credit for.

I learned to not stress when faced with challenges.

I learned that God takes care of me always.

I learned that I don't like when people can reach me at the push of a button or a sent text.

I learned that I don't need google as much as I thought I did. Or instagram.

I learned to appreciate the moment without capturing it & sharing it with the world.

I learned that people who want to reach me will make the effort to.

I learned that even when I can't talk to anyone, I can always speak to God.

I learned that I had made my phone an idol and I was serving it instead of the other way around.

I learned that God allowed my phone to be shattered so He could shatter my dependency on my phone.

I was fretting because I felt like God had stopped speaking to me and I had asked God to make me aware of Him and He answered my prayer. But in reality, I had let my iPhone take away from my awareness of God. He was always there and I wasn't paying attention (even though I thought I did). The easy access to answers, reaching people & nonstop entertainment had led me away from seeking God first & depending on Him. I was depending on my phone! How pathetic can I be? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the iPhone is evil (although the working conditions of those who manufacture it are highly unethical) but we must be careful to make it more valuable over people & God.

When I got home, I started writing this blog. Then the Lord told me to turn on my phone .

Lo & behold, my iPhone works! Trust me, I tried reviving that thing as soon as it was smashed and it was all in vain! It felt like when Jesus tells the fisherman to cast the nets on one side after they've been sitting there the whole day. I casted my net & knew God was behind this. I just had to laugh!

I don't need an iPhone, I need God. Today was the day my idol shattered.

The Fear

© Mariam Sitchivana

Well, here I am again.
Today I'm gonna talk to you about a recent struggle: fear.
You may or may not know that this blog is based on this verse:

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25

I smile, I write—that's how it's supposed to go—or that's what the Lord had spoken at the beginning of my journaling/blogging journey.
That wasn't the case this week. But because God loves me so much, He wants to deal with me. He can't leave me where I am: fearing.

So what is fear anyways?

According to the dictionary

Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid; concern or anxiety (via)

According to the Word of God

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."—2 Timothy 1:7

In other translations, they use the word cowardice & timidity to define fear in this verse, so that's the definition I believe that the context of this particular passage gives. Of course there are other fears the Bible talks about (fear of the Lord, etc..) that have other definitions, so please note that I'm emphasizing the fear defined above.

Context: [if you know this already, feel free to skip it] Paul writes 2 Timothy as a final exhortation letter to Timothy. His death is imminent although the timing uncertain. This letter is very personal. Paul calls Timothy to continue the fight of faith & faithfulness (Paul mentions being abandoned by others in his time of need). It's crazy that Paul is about to be executed & he writes an encouragement letter to Timothy. Umm, shouldn't it be the other way around? Paul is about to die! But it's precisely Paul's testimony that points Timothy in the right direction: what he calls Timothy to do, he himself has done already. I don't know about you but, knowing that Paul had fears too makes me feel a lot better about myself.

Fears. I've been worrying, fearing & making scenarios in my mind of "what ifs". Anxiety overload shut me down emotionally. It kept me depressed—I didn't get out of bed for TWO days! I was seeking God still but I knew He wanted to reveal the root of my fears.

"Fear paralyses us. It can keep us from all that God has in store for us. If you're afraid you don't know the character of the One whose hand is holding you. Fear kept the Israelites from Canaan. Fear is the opposite of faith; it is a sin. God wants to free you from fear."
—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It all became clear to me after reading those words: God was asking me to let go of my expectations. I had listened to the lies the enemy fed me. The worst was realizing that they came from me. I was idolizing my expectations over God's plans for my life. I didn't want to be engaged at 21; I wanted to have my degree by 23; I wanted to get married after having that degree; I don't even want to have a wedding in the middle of the semester. I had pictured my life going a certain direction and it dawned to me that it was not what God had in mind. I was serving my expectations and that's where my fear came from. It was all about what I wanted not about what the Lord wanted.

In order to live the life God has for me I have to stop living in the confinements of fear. I must let go of the expectations everyone has for me, including my own. I serve God, not me (or anyone else for that matter). I desire to go to Canaan, to my spiritual promised land.
Yet, more than going to the promised land, I want to obey the Lord.

If you find yourself struggling with fear, your expectations or maybe the expectations someone else has for you, I encourage you to read Isaiah 55 in your time with the Lord. His kindness in this passage will calm your anxious heart.

"...you are disobedient, you are trying to keep some part of your life under your own control. That is what is preventing you from listening to Christ and believing in His grace. You cannot hear Christ because you're willfully disobedient. Somewhere in your heart you are refusing to listen to his call. Your difficulty is your sin."
—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The call for you is to come to Him. Give Him your worries, your fear, your sin.
That is the invitation of Isaiah 55: let go and let God.

(This song is a metaphor of what fear does: you spend all this time worrying, growing apathetic, when you could stop worrying & start living the life you deserve: a life free from the bondage of fear.)

I'm engaged

I'm wearing: Polka dot skirt & dangling earrings from Forever 21 - Mustard heels from Payless - Denim shirt from Walmart

I've been staring at the blank spaces here for hours. I don't really know what to say here, other than I just had the most unexpected, surreal & memorable weekend of my life.
Louis, along with my family & best friend(AND THE LORD), pulled a BIG ONE on me. By BIG ONE I'm referring to the fact that they actually surprised. Apparently this was in the works since July.

I had no idea what was about to happen this past weekend. It is so hard to surprise me! I always end up finding out or I see it coming. It doesn't help that I have discernment and the Lord usually tells me about big things in my life. But I would've never thought He would take me on the offer of hiding my own engagement. That was my prayer for a while but then I pulled back and told Him I would want to know. I'm so glad I didn't! I had a feeling God & Louis were hiding something from me and I even mentioned it to Louis back in July. I didn't think it would be engagement. I really didn't.

I'm tricked into picking up someone from the airport on Friday, completely ruining my plans that day. I was in such a bad mood and was lacking a whole lot of grace. I complained and talked to Louis about it on my way to the airport. Then, lo & behold, Louis shows up and my jaw drops (fyi, my "shock" expression is pretty ugly). I begin to tear up a bit while Louis is trying to get me to unlock the door, haha.
"What's going through your mind right now?" —Louis asked
"Oh my gosh I need to change clothes. AND I HOPE YOU'RE NOT PROPOSING!" —me
"haha nah, no one knows I'm here so I don't have to deal with that pressure. Can't I just come down here to just see my lady?"  —Louis

well played, sir, well played. People have asked us about engagement since BEFORE we were dating. People have asked to be invited to our wedding since BEFORE we were dating. Trust me, we've felt the pressure to be engaged because it "was the next level", "the good thing to do". Too bad this isn't about us!

Louis said he wanted to date me that evening, since we can't have dates often. We dressed nice, got pizza (my stomach was in knots for being so surprised I just couldn't eat a decent meal!) &, for the first time ever, went to see a movie together. It was a perfect evening but I was sooooo tired and it was getting late. We tried find a photo booth (we try to get one each year) but it didn't happen. Photo Booths in PR are (we learned) scarce. By midnight we were home. By 12:45am I was engaged. He told me he loved me for the first time and we had our first kiss. 

It didn't happen the way Louis planned but it was perfect for me. He'll be sharing the proposal story soon!

These pictures are from our goodbye at the airport. I miss you so much already and I'm glad we conquered this long-distance thing—against all odds, negative comments & unbelief. God was, is & will be faithful. My faith has been stretched beyond deep waters ever since I said "yes".

I tell you all this because what I really want to share today is about pastor Dan's message this morning at my church. He had just gotten back from a trip the day before after being away for two weeks. According to our church bulletin, the message was titled "God fixes broken people". I was excited to bring Louis to see the church I've been recently attending, so it was so great to have pastor Dan the same Sunday Louis was there.

Pastor Dan tells the congregation:

"God has laid on my heart to talk about marriage today. I'm not sure if only one person has to hear this, but I'm gonna obey the Lord's leading. I'm sorry for this change at such a short notice, especially sorry for the media people. If you're visiting here today, please know I don't do this often."

I was stunned. Louis was taken aback as well. It was such a perfect message! Pastor Dan gave some life principals based on Adam & Eve's "engagement" story if you will, and it was a blessing. It meant the world to me because I felt God interfere in order to let me know He had ordained this engagement to happen the way it did. God is just making my dreams come true, one by one. Things hidden in my heart; things between just Him & I. And He gets all the glory for it. 

Wanna know a little secret? I had one of the worst meltdowns the day before I was engaged! I felt like waiting on God for direction in my life had become eternal. He wouldn't speak with clarity. I was at the end of my rope and I just wanted to give up! Surely I was in the bottom of His priority list. The Lord must've looked at me and said "this whiny little girl doesn't even know what's coming. I'm gonna let her have her tantrum."

In my eyes, I had failed the test of patience. My engagement to Louis is only because of God's grace. I don't deserve it. 

I tell you all this because I don't want it to seem like I'm glamorizing my engagement—we still have a long way to go. This engagement is the blessing of two people who dared to believe in God's promises for their life in the midst of a storm.

Louis was only here for the weekend, and our goodbye was not an easy thing. But I rest assured that my time without him is so short, we'll be together before we know it. I'm gonna be doing life with him soon.

I'm gonna marry my best friend. 

I'm engaged.

Love delivers // Flags

© Carly Hildebrant

"I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad." (v. 1-2)

You'll be happy to know I'm back to blogging! So much has happened since my last post and the unexpected break was what I needed most. It was just God and I, like it usually is, but man He wrecked me. Reality has left me weary.

Earlier this month I received the news that I friend I grew up with was murdered in the streets. Just a year older than I, the news shook me to the core.
How was this possible? How could this be? Where is our future if their bodies are laying dead on the streets?
The underground world here is very much in the surface. Puerto Rico is like the capital of drugs in America. From here, drugs go to either Latin America or the states, very easily; most crimes go unpunishable. It's a sad reality but it's my reality. People are murdered daily, by the dozen. Whether night or day, shootings, rapes, and thefts are happening a lot. It gets worse though. Many of drug lords are kids, as early as 9 years old. The past 4 years, the majority of funerals have been for those between the ages of 12-25. These were the statistics, and I knew this, but I never thought it would hit so close to home. Someone I saw growing up, who was loved, who lacked nothing & who had a bright future was murdered. I slowly sank into a shocked state. The days after it were sort of a haze but I will remember them for the rest of my life. I didn't know what it was like to lose a child until I heard a mother mourning. I didn't know what it was like to stare at someone as young as myself (and as healthy as I was) in a casket until that bleak Saturday. I didn't know what hopelessness was until I asked God where He was in the midst of it all. I didn't know such a tragedy could scar me, but it did.

The Lord truly messed with my theology, the truth about God revealed, in this situation. 
What do I say to this mother who sacrificed her whole life for this guy? How do I make sense of this guy's wrong decisions? How does this brokenhearted family go on now? But more importantly, how do I find hope for my country?

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." (v.4-5; 8; 10; 14)

I will never forget the loss, the emptiness & the grief to those who loved this guy, myself included.
The trail of broken hearts that wrong decisions lead to is unfathomable to me.

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (v .17-18)

He gave me Psalm 34 to bind the wounds of this experience and I'm finally giving birth to this post. If this post inspires you to pray for my country, bless your soul. Violence, immorality & addictions crave for my generation. We must pray against the plans of the enemy for my people. Also, pray for my protection & opportunities to minister to my peers.  

I pray for the Lord to equip me to be light here & to help spread the seed of the hope that never fails.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (v. 19)

God was near all along. He brought comfort, as much as He could in this present time.
I rest in Him. My heart shall not be troubled, for Love delivers. 

There's so much I left unsaid, yet the words from this song resonate with my silence:

verses from Psalm 34

My time has come

© violaidi

"...But the people who know their God shall stand firm and take action." Daniel 11:32b

July is chasing me away. I've been recently informed that I must depart in less than 3 weeks. It has been raining nonstop since I received the news (literally). I am holding on tightly to my Father's hand as I walk through this foggy, overcast season. I go where He leads, and He is leading me away for a while. Oceans apart from my dear friends, guy and family.

I've been tempted to say "Lord, why? Why are you doing this?" but I won't. It's irrelevant. He's been preparing me, showing me to be content, whatever my lot entails. More than anything, He has revealed Himself to me. I was reading today this passage and the fact that I know Him fuels my faith to stand firm in the furnace. Like Daniel, I am confident in whom I serve. God is able to deliver me from this, and even if He doesn't, I shall still worship Him. I am loved by Him and He desires my ultimate good. He will glorify Himself in me, wherever that is because God is not limited by location. I shall smile at the days to come because He holds my future in His loving hands as well as all the people I'm departing from.

Whether your days are filled with sunlight or rain, let Him reveal Himself to you. Then you will be strong and able to stand firm.

My time has come to be light in darkness.

It was a winter day in January of 2007

Step with me into my time machine. Let us travel back in time...

I found myself in the streets of Paris. I had just finished visiting the Louvre Museum and we had a little bit of free time (more like spending time) in our hands. I was with a group of students, touring Europe. We were young with credit cards that seemed endless and I was enchanted and charmed by Paris, even though my stay there was only 4 days.

So, somehow, I find myself with a friend, just walking the nearby streets. I don't quite remember why we were idle, or if we had a destination in mind, but we stopped in front of a bakery. It was not this particular bakery that caught our attention. It was the woman facing it.

A homeless woman, it seemed. This is January.. in Paris.... It's really cold outside! And here is a woman in rags, with a child on her arms. I noticed that she had an asthma inhaler next to her (with those rags + that weather, asthma must be a constant companion).
We froze.
"Why don't we buy food for this woman?" my friend suggested. After all, the bakery is right there. "Alright. Let's split it. You buy the food, I buy the drink. Deal?"
"Deal!"

We went to the bakery, pointed at the things we wanted (I didn't know how to hold a conversation in french yet) and got out with a heated meal and a refreshing drink in hand. The lady from the bakery eyed us (we were tourists after all). But her mouth dropped when she saw us wake the homeless woman up to give our recent purchase to her. Oh, the face of this homeless woman was lit up. 'Merci' has never sounded so beautiful to me. With moist eyes, she awakened her child to feed her, as we drifted into the background of this Parisian city.

If you ask me what I loved most about my trip, I'd tell you it was that moment. Those minutes changed my life. It was not the Eiffel tower or the Louvre museum, although very beautiful these places where. It was the fact that for a moment, I made a difference in someone's existence. That this woman, this child, needed me. And I took the chance to help them rather than be indifferent. Yes, it's true that this woman is still on the streets, maybe even begging for money, that her situation didn't change because of me. But it's also true this hopeless woman was given hope.

We weren't trying to be heroes that day. We saw a need and we just had to do something about it. We couldn't walk past her. I had never seen a mother and a child homeless. She probably had never seen two teens giving her a warm meal either. It was a first for all of us, and my life has never been the same since. And that's the story of how I found Jesus in the streets of Paris.

‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Matthew 25:40

a tea bag of Contentment

© schwurlie

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.
Psalm 16:5

I am learning about the good kind of contentment. The one that glorifies God. I'd like you to grab a cup of tea (or coffee) and sit with me as we explore this topic.

"Contentment is essentially a matter of accepting from God's hand what He sends because we know that He is good and therefore it is good." - J. I. Packer

In Philipians 4:11-13, we discover that Paul has learned to be content in all circumstances. Not only that, but he ends with the statement that "[he] can do everything through Christ who strengthens him."

1. Contentment is something we learn.
2. Christ is able to provide us with strength to be content.
3. I can be content today; I don't have to wait for tomorrow.

"Contentment occurs when Christ's strength is infused into my weak body, soul and spirit. To infuse means to pour, fill, soak, or extract... How does God enable us to be content? He infuses contentment into us through His Word. As it seeps into our minds, it transforms us." - Linda Dillow

When I put a tea bag on my cup full of hot water, I see infusion. Then, the more time I let the tea bag steep, the stronger it gets! So it is with us. The more we spend time with the Lord and in His Word, the stronger we also get, becoming more content by allowing His Word to seep into our lives & transform us to be like Christ.

You can be content with where you are in this season. You can be content with the way the Lord knitted your veins, bones and skin together; the way He arranged your emotional make up. You can be content with the roles He has given you.

Like Paul, let's learn to be content in all circumstances as He is the one to strengthen us.

Ins-piration

I always come back to this video...

Glass & laver

© Chrissie White

"The Scripture is both a glass to show your spots, and a laver to wash them away."
Thomas Watson

...psst, the guy and I were featured here.

Tuesday Picture Diaries: through her eyes

                                   
                                           Because pictures speak for themselves

a void among us

"When Jesus had cried with a loud voice, He said, ‘Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit’; and having said thus, He gave up the ghost" (Luke 23:46). Here is where the cross is most powerfully experienced. It happens when in my nothingness, I surrender my will, I quit struggling and striving. I now become wholly dependent on Him. The matter is now out of my hands completely; God has to take over. His spirit must take me into death and raise me up as a new man. I give up the ghost, the independent life of flesh.

- Rev. David Wilkerson

Thank you for showing me Jesus.
See you on the other side.

Alive with Christ

© beth retro

His resurrection reminds me of mine.
Thank You Jesus for giving me a life with meaning.

a broken statement

I can just make a statement? Only the broken can be holy. This is what I am meditating upon. This is what the Lord is teaching me. "Lord, why must I be broken to be holy?... is there no other way?" I asked. "Beloved, only the broken recognize that it was their sin that nailed Him there." Do you know what it means to be broken?

To be broken means to have no rights before God and man. It does not mean merely surrendering my rights to Him but rather recognizing that I haven't any, except to deserve hell. It means just being nothing and having nothing that I call my own, neither time, money, possessions or positions.

There is no other way but brokenness. To be broken means to be 'not me, but Christ'. It is at the foot of the Cross that we see a picture of true brokenness. We see the pierced hands and feet of Him who laid His will for me. In brokenness I was made free. There is no prayer that God is so quick to answer as the prayer that He might break us.

If you find yourself in a patch of unbrokenness, the only way is to go afresh to Calvary and see Christ broken for you and you will come away willing to be broken for Him.

How hungry for the Lord are you? It is not enough to just love Him if we will not give Him our lives in total surrender and be made holy. If you feel like you're satisfied with where you are with the Lord, let me remind you that you are dust. That you will fade. That you will expire. That God is infinite and eternal. To wonderful and majestic for you to fully comprehend. There is more to uncover and know about Him. Let Him break you and strip you from your pride & flesh, from all those fleeting things you invest your attention in. Because in the end, only the broken can be holy and only the holy ones will enter the kingdom of heaven. Isn't that what really matters?


[Quotes from The Road to Calvary]

here's my house blend

© Priscilla W

"For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat." 2 Thess. 3:10

I recently got hired because of my smile (the store manager heavily complimented it). Today was my first day of OTJ (On The Job) training.  I am part of a brand of the popular coffee franchise with green letters that you may all recognize, love or hate. I personally like it. In the past week, I went 3 times on my "I'm broke" budget. I always saw myself working at a place where they would hold inspiration at a high standard and that's exactly what this popular brand does! Their mission statement? "To inspire and nurture the human spirit – one person, one cup and one neighborhood at a time". I'm eager and excited to know my way around the grinders, handle steamed milk like a pro and know the difference between house blend coffee and their Pike Place™ Roast. Yet, I'm even more excited to have casual conversations that have the potential to make someone's day. This place attracts those who have a high taste for coffee & tea; paying the price for what its worth. Typical customers know what they like and expect to have the Sbux experience at every location they go in. But they're also people who are looking for genuine friendliness. And on that note, I'm looking forward to demanding customers and days to come.

living the online life

© girl with a smile. [My new journal]

I've returned to the online world. I was away for a while, just being with the Lord. He was calling me to seek Him and be, in the privacy of my prayer closet. He wanted to fill me and minister to me, in intimacy. I have to tell you, He took my breath away! He answered all my requests from the past 6 months, one by one in less than 2 weeks. He is sovereign! He is in control! I'm still in awe of all He's done and how He provided. I am grateful.
I also sought the Lord for direction with this blog. I will be talking more about how to spend time with God and how to hear His voice... two uneasy subjects that not many want to hear about, but I don't care! He's the one that has lead you to this site and He will speak to you through it. This has never been about me.

Now, the year 2011. It is a year of favor and victory. It is definitely a new season of growth and maturity. I'm really excited (actually 1/3 scared, 2/3 nervous and 2/4 happy...if that makes sense). I got a job! I start next week & I look forward to telling you more about it. I'm also being courted by someone very special, which is very fun and at times hard to define & explain to people. I'll share some stories about that soon. I've been catching up on my reading. Gah, Elisabeth Elliot is so great, you must pick a book from her. Really. You'll never regret it! I finished When wallflowers dance by Angela Thomas, a gift from my friend Candice, I think she's one of the loveliest of friends in the world. I have this idea for swapping books between bloggers, and if you're interested, you should message me. I'm also open to be a penpals (for security reasons, girl requests only). Plus, I have some giveaways in store. Now, I shall catch up with my fellow bloggers. I just had to make an appearance :)

I have so much to share with you this year, can't wait.

Also, I just have to say I'm stunned that I have like 11 new followers. When I made a blog, it was never about the followers, and to this day it still isn't. But I just want to welcome you and thank you for stopping by and following. Your comments always encourage me <3

quiet stillness

There comes a time in a person's life where, you must learn to submit yourself (entirely, might I add) to the Lord's will. This does not mean that your passions will cease to be. Oh no, quite the contrary. It actually feels as if they are intensified. Whether these passions consist of dreams, promises (yes, even godly ones) or desires, you ultimately do the same in all: you wait. As the psalmist said, "For God alone my soul waits in silence..." (Psalm 62:1). This waiting, this period of stillness before Him, is nothing more than a test of faith and perseverance in disguise. It is spiritual growth, maturity. However, stillness doesn't mean not doing anything. It means to take up the Father's business and do what He has commanded you to do; nothing more, nothing less. This waiting is measured in obedience. And obedience, ultimately, is dying to self.

"...and I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done. Acceptance of whatever that means is the great victory of faith that overcomes the world."

To be stripped of yourself and submit, to obey and follow, and do it all with a smile has become my latest task. I am entering spiritual adulthood. Never has a challenge from the Lord been so hard to give in to. But I will overcome and conquer. My life's purpose is to glorify His name, not my own. I love him with a love that leads me to death (even if it means my own). Such is the way of Calvary love.

"Love has entered the picture. Therefore in your heart, you can be very honest when you tell him you really prefer to do what he wants, because, more than your own pleasure, you want His. When obedience to God contradicts what I think will give me pleasure, let me ask myself if I love Him. A little quiet reflection will remind me that yes to God always leads in the end to joy."

This will be my first Christmas without my lovely parents, without my close friends. My comfort is Abba & my peace if my Prince. I shall have to count what I lost, gain. There is victory in losing, my friends! When Jesus hanged at the cross in public shame, it all looked liked the perfect picture of defeat. But He was risen, 3 days later, taking the keys of death from the hands of hell so that we could spend eternal glory with our Creator, the Lover of our souls. In the end, it was victory.

"Few things have the power to make us feel as sorry for ourselves as has loneliness. We feel marooned, cheated. Everyone else in the world seems to have somewhere to go, someone to be with, something to enjoy. We alone have been excluded."

To this I am called: obedience. At the present time, obedience is leading me to quiet stillness. The Cross is the attraction to this humble death and submission. Quiet obedience is vital to any of those who call themselves His followers. It is His glory we yearn for.

[quotes from Elisabeth Elliot (Passion & Purity).]