The Quest for Love

"So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35

Love has been an encompassing theme in my life. It was God's love that first drew me into accepting His love for me on the cross & believing it by faith; it was His love that made me trust Him with my future and where He was leading me to go for college; it was because He loved us first that Louis & I were able to love each other as we should, loving God above each other—always.

In conclusion, It was my love for Him & His will that has brought me here. 

When you grow closer to God, your understanding of love can't help but deepen. You always find yourself discovering that there is more to loving God & others—there's more to Love itself. I've been reading two books: "If" by Amy Carmichael & "Loving the Way Jesus Loves" by Phil Ryken. Specifically, Phil Ryken's book takes the love passage in 1 Corinthians 13 & goes through what love is and isn't while linking it to the ministry of Jesus here on earth. Even though the book doesn't go through the order of the adjectives and verbs of love in 1 Cor 13, it does go through narrative order of Jesus up until the ascension. It is powerful! It forces you to examine the way you give & take love, what you believe of love & the way Jesus loves. Phil Ryken does an amazing expository work and I highly recommend reading this book. It forever changed the way I look at the journey towards  the crucifixion—I was in tears! 

Alongside of those books, God kept me in the gospel of John. Interestingly enough, the gospel of John is where Love and works of love are emphasized. This is what I mean about love being an encompassing theme—it was everywhere—it still is.

"Love is the mark of a follower of Jesus. He didn't say that it would be by our church membership, by our words, by our works, by our knowledge, by our talented gifts, or by our wisdom, that all  men will know that we are His disciples, but by our love for each other. What travesty and contradiction to the love of Christ when Christians envy each other, tear each other down and hate and persecute each other. What can the world say about discipleship? What a shame on us when members of civic clubs and fraternal organizations, love and help each other more than we do for each other, as Christians. Christians are to manifest the love of Jesus to each other, and to the world. When people look at your life, they need to see, not your physical beauty, not your abilities, not your prowess, but the love of Jesus. The world is hungry for love, and dying for love. Without realizing what it is, the quest of many, in their seeking, is love. What we need to know is that love is returned when given. If you would be loved, be a lover. If you would find love, scatter it around. If you would know love, show love. Love is magnetic; it will draw love." —Carl Loy

I can't help but be broken by a world that's desperate for love because I myself was hungry for love. If it weren't for Jesus, I would've done anything to ease the pain of my love starvation; I'm sure of it. The cry of my heart, the longing of my soul, is love. And if I want to love like my Savior loves, I must yearn to understand how much He loves us... how much He loves me. If you aren't sure how much God loves you, if you just don't believe that He does, I write these words for you. I've been unsure of His love far more than what you can imagine. But I refuse to keep going calling myself a Christian without the confidence of His love. Everything I stand for in on the line—I cannot glorify God without love and if I don't know His love, how can I give what I haven't received? How can I proclaim Christ without grasping His love? How can I love the way He loves if I don't even know how He loved? And let me tell you, He loved much before the cross. His whole earthly pilgrimage was one of love, not just the cross. It's a matter of us putting attention to the way He walked among us, just one glimpse and the contrast between Jesus and us is evident.

I want to be known by my love. Will you join me in this quest to know God, to know His love? Will you desire to love the way Jesus loves and be known for it? 

Wisdom Wednesday: dying to self

When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set as nougat, and you don't sting and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ, that is dying to self.

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded  your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient loving silence, that is dying to self.

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, and irregularity, and unpunctuality  or any annoyance; when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility... and endure it as Jesus endured it, that is dying to self.

When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption by the will of God, that is dying to self.

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown,  that is dying to self.

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit, and feel no envy nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances, that is dying to self.

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself, and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart, that is dying to self.

Are you dead yet?

Love is death.

My husband spoke the message (title: from death to death) at our church last night. It was based on Psalm 116, specifically verse 15, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." One of the things that he shared was an encounter he had with his mom at age 14. He stated that if Christianity was just reading the Bible & going to church twice a week, he would quit the faith right then and there. I, too, grew up believing that there had to be more to Christianity than that—it just had to be! The Jesus I had read about was much more than the shallow Christianity I had encountered. So then, what else is there? What sets us apart? Answering those questions was what Louis taught last night. It was a word that has been wrestling within me since. Powerful; convicting; piercing.

This morning, God took me to John 13:1-20. I've shared that I'm in a season of learning how to love like Jesus did/does. Little did I know that this passage would radically change me & confirm what was already stirring in my soul.

John 13:1-20 Jesus Washes the Disciples' Feet 

Theres a lot that's going on when this passage takes place. Jesus has just raised Lazarus from death, Mary had anointed (a symbolic act of the burial that was to come), he had just experienced the Triumphal Entry & experienced unbelief from his own people. Talk about enough excuses for anxiety and stress. Jesus knows that the cross is next and his time on earth is but a little while longer. So, just before the Feast of the Passover, Jesus takes the place of a servant and begins to wash the disciples' feet. Three things occur that interrupt the footwashing:

1. Judas Iscariot had set his heart to betray Jesus for money. Jesus knew it too.

2. The disciples don't understand what Jesus is doing. There is a spiritual significance taking place.

3. Peter mistakes the act of humility for one of humiliation and indignity, refusing to let Jesus wash his feet.

But, why exactly did He wash the disciples' feet?

Evidence of love. To truly understand this passage, I had to realize that Love was on its knees before being nailed to a cross. We cannot believe that the cross was the only symbol of love that Jesus displayed. He was at the feet of his creation, even kneeling down at the feet of Judas, his betrayer.

Example of humility & sacrifice. Jesus sets an example for us, for each other.

To show us who He is and who we are. Service exposes and reminds us why we follow Him in the first place.  The reason we come to Christ in the first place is because we recognize we are sinners and we need to be cleansed. "[Jesus] comes to us in love, kindly correcting us, patiently explaining the way of salvation, graciously cleansing us, and humbling serving our every need. Then Jesus calls us to live with the same loving and humble service."—Phil Ryken

Jesus takes the role of a slave for a reason! If our Lord took the lowest place, I need to take even a lower one. John 13:16-17 says, "I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message. Now that you know these things, God will bless you for doing them."

"If we are followers of a foot-washing Savior, then no act of service could ever be beneath our dignity...To come under the lordship of Jesus Christ is to follow his example of servanthood..." —Phil Ryken 

What hinders a lifestyle of humble service?

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged." 1 Cor 13:4-5

1. Envy: A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck; a sinful response to the success of others; the pain we feel when others prosper. // Envy only makes us think about what we can get, not about what we can give.With envy, we long to see others to their knees, not ourselves.

2. Selfishness: stinginess resulting from a concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others. // Selfishness is expecting others to get on their knees to serve us.

3. Arrogance: Marked by or arising from a feeling or assumption of one's superiority toward others. Sinful response to our own success; It's demanding attention for our own accomplishments.  // Lewis Smedes said that "arrogance drives us to be rude to people who have nothing to offer us, nothing to make us look good." Peter's heart was full of arrogance when he refused Jesus (John 13:8). He was saying that he was too proud to let Jesus serve him! We are no greater than Jesus, in fact, we're much less. We're not divine but human, not infinite but finite, not sinless but sinful. Donald English says, "At the source of all Christian service in the world is the crucified and risen Lord who died to liberate us into such service."

4. Pride: An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit. // The root of all the previous characteristics above come from pride. Pride is loving ourselves the most but hardly loving others—pride is a lack of love.

I don't know about you but I've certainly struggled with all these, far more than I'd like to admit.

How do we cultivate a lifestyle of humble service?

How, then, do we move from responding sinfully to lovingly?

1. With willingness & intentionality. There are many ways to serve, if only we're willing.

2. With our words. Not manipulating nor monopolizing conversations, not calling attention to ourselves always but looking for opportunities to encourage and edify the other.

3. With our ears. Listen intentionally. You will always serve more by listening more and talking less.

4. With our hands. I love how Phil Ryken puts it:

"Some of us are called to serve at home, with a dishrag and a laundry basket. Some of us serve in the kitchen, using pots and pans to make meals for the homeless. Some of us serve by pushing wheelchairs and playing musical instruments for people at the nursing home. Some of us serve by building a home for orphans, or wrapping our arms around a child with special needs, or pressing a stethoscope to the chest of a little boy or girl who otherwise would never receive medical care." Seek to serve when you see a need, in any capacity you're capable to do.

5. With humility. Humility is going to the cross, confessing our sins and begging God to teach us to love the way He loves. Humility is also counting others more significant than ourselves. Humility is knowing that it's not about us.

In the last month, Louis and I have gotten anonymous letters with money in them. We have not communicated our financial needs to anyone but the truth is that we have been struggling. We're not worried about it, much less stressing about it because God has always been faithful to come through but it's been humbling to see Him provide through others. It has prompted us to separate of the little that we have to bless others as well! Someone saw our need and served us, I want to do the same... I want to wash the feet of others like others have washed mine.

"When a person does all the good he can, to all the people he can, in all the ways he can, as long as ever he can, he is symbolically washing the saints' feet. This is the meaning of kononiea, the Greek word used in the book of Acts to describe or set forth the fellowship in the church. It is a communion, a sharing, a mutual love, a ministry, that makes the trouble of one member become the concern of all."
—Carl Loy

written on July 18, 2013

Richard Wurmbrand’s tea recipe

"Don't let suffering take you by surprise! Meditate on it often. Take the virtues of Christ and His saints to yourself, by thought. The pastor I spoke of, my teacher who died for his faith, gave me a recipe for a tea against suffering, and I will give it to you."

I told them the story of a doctor of early Christian times who was unjustly imprisoned by the emperor. After some weeks his family was allowed to see him, and at first they wept. His clothes were rags, his nourishment a slice of bread with a cup of water every day. His wife wondered and asked, 

"How is it you look so well? You have the air of one who has just come from a wedding!" The doctor smilingly replied that he found a remedy for all troubles, and his family asked him what it was. The doctor told them, "I have discovered a tea which is good against all suffering and sorrow. It contains seven herbs, and I shall number them for you:

1. The first herb is called contentedness: be satisfied with what you have. I may shiver in my rags as I gnaw on a crust, but how much worse off I should be if the emperor had thrown me naked into a dungeon with nothing at all to eat!
2. The second herb is common sense. Whether I rejoice or worry, I shall still be in prison, so why repine?
3. The third is remembrance of past sins: count them, and on the supposition that every sin deserves a day in prison, reckon how many lives you would spend behind bars—you have been let off lightly!
   
4. The fourth is the thought of the sorrows which Christ bore gladly for us. If the only man who ever could choose his fate on earth chose pain, what great value He must have seen in it! So we observe that, borne with serenity and joy, suffering redeems.
5. The fifth herb is the knowledge that suffering has been given to us by God as from a father, not to harm us, but to cleanse and sanctify us. The suffering through which we pass has the purpose of purifying us, and preparing us for heaven. 
   
6. The sixth is the knowledge that no suffering can harm a Christian life. If the pleasures of the flesh are all, then pain and prison bring an end to a man's aim in living; but if the core of life is truth, that is something which no prison cell can change. In prison or out of it two and two make four. Prison cannot stop me from loving; iron bars cannot exclude faith. If these ideals make up my life, I can be serene anywhere.
   
7. The last herb in the recipe is hope. The wheel of life may put the emperor's physician in prison, but it goes on turning. It may put me back into the palace, and even put me on the throne. "

I paused for a moment. The crowded church was still.

"I have drunk barrels of this tea since then," I said, "and I can recommend it to you all. It has proved good."

Reflecting True Beauty

© emily cain

  he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
    and no beauty that we should desire him.
Isaiah 53:2b

If there's something that Jesus didn't have, it would have to be physical beauty. This man didn't have the looks everyone craved and yet he was the man crowds wanted. But we must first define beauty in order to cultivate our own true beauty.

Beauty [ˈbjuːtɪ] : the combination of all the qualities of a person or thing that delight the senses and please the mind; The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality; a very attractive and well-formed girl or woman.

From this definition, beauty is composed of elements or attributes that shape or give form.
In spiritual terms, character is what shapes us, giving beauty a greater depth & quality to who we are.
Jesus had all the traits: obedience, love, understanding, truthfulness, wisdom, and patience—just to name a few. These traits made him attractive to those he came across with, not his eyes, body shape, skin color or the shape of his nose.

But how can we cultivate true beauty?
1. Seek God. Prayer, bible reading & fasting are major foundations of true beauty. You can be someone you don't believe in, so you pray. You can't imitate someone you don't know well, so you learn about God in the Scriptures. You can't live out Scripture if you're not willing to sacrifice for God, so you fast. Jesus spent countless times in prayer, he knew the Scriptures enough to teach in the temple & he fasted.

2. Love others. Vanity, pride & greed follow those who only love themselves. This was true for me when I noticed that I was more willing to please people than to love them. I was only giving a false image of love AND falling pray to vanity & pride while shielding myself behind Jesus. I was the ugliest person I knew. Selflessness is attractive; selfishness isn't. Take the time to think less of yourself and more about others.

3. Focus less on your appearance. If you buy more fashion magazines than what you give to missions, there's a problem. Looking good is not a sin, but being consumed with it is. Stop trying to compete with your friends & stop complaining about your looks. A pretty face won't last forever & keeping up with trends is like chasing the wind. At the end of the day, what seems more fitting? To spend so much money, time & energy for something that will fade or to spend money, time & energy in developing character qualities that will contribute to the cause your Savior gave his life for?

4. Volunteer. Look for non-profit organizations (not Toms or Invisible Children) that will take you out of your comfort zone. Go to an after-school program and mentor someone in a sport or skill. Go to an evangelism event in a bad neighborhood and dare to talk to kids your age about what they have to face everyday & offer hope. Take care of some elders. Make a bake sale to help send someone on a mission trip or to help pay for their schooling. You probably have needs too but that doesn't mean you can't help meet someone else's. Give back to your community!

5. Practice silence & solitude. The discipline of silence & solitude is one of the scariest ones because the voice of your flesh is really loud. This is where you see the ugliness of your sins and how they taint the beauty of the Spirit inside you. Once you start cultivating the beautiful qualities of Christ, pride will try to take credit for them. Here is when you must tune your ear & remind yourself of how much you need the beauty of Christ to shine upon you. You, apart from Christ, will never be beautiful.

This post was written for the Femininity Series on Natalie's blog back in April.

to know Him

"To come alive spiritually we must meet God.

To live abundantly we must know God."

God continually speaks to me about the basic elements of our faith. Jason,  my bible study teacher, always says that if I know the answers to the two most important questions, I'll live an abundant life.

Those two questions are:

1. Who is God?
2. Who am I? 

If we know who God really is (as much as our  minds can grasp) then it will be easy to answer #2. I often say that my identity is not based on what I do or how others perceive me to be, but rather that I belong to God. 1 Corinthians 7:23 says, "God has paid a high price for you; do not be enslaved by the world"(NLT). But if I don't know how God is like, how can I live the life He desires for me?

Knowing God is essential for our faith but even more necessary for our practical daily life as a woman.

• Peace is practical: "Submit to God and you will have peace; then things will go well with you." Job 22:21
• Wisdom is practical: "Knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgement." Prov 9:10b
• Strength is practical: "...the people that know their God will be strong..." Daniel 11:32
• Faith is practical: "The righteous will live by faith." Romans 1:17

I don't know about you but I'm in constant need of peace, wisdom, strength & faith daily. I can't have any of them if I don't depend on God. It is difficult to place your trust on Someone you know very little. To know God we must know what He is like, especially in terms relevant to our daily lives.  To consistently lean on God alone, we must know Him.

"The enemy likes to throw a curtain of doubt over the magnificent character of our God. God does not want us to be deceived. Therefore, He has revealed what He is like through the Holy Scriptures and through His Son, Jesus Christ... it is through the intimacy of a relationship with the person of Jesus Christ that all God is becomes more than truth on a page and becomes alive in daily experience. Through Christ, all that God is, is in fellowship with the Christian." —Myrna Alexander

As we explore together the character of God, I pray you become more aware of His presence in your life & that your trust of Him becomes easier.

This post is an invitation to discover God in view of His Word; to know Him.

The Fear

© Mariam Sitchivana

Well, here I am again.
Today I'm gonna talk to you about a recent struggle: fear.
You may or may not know that this blog is based on this verse:

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Proverbs 31:25

I smile, I write—that's how it's supposed to go—or that's what the Lord had spoken at the beginning of my journaling/blogging journey.
That wasn't the case this week. But because God loves me so much, He wants to deal with me. He can't leave me where I am: fearing.

So what is fear anyways?

According to the dictionary

Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid; concern or anxiety (via)

According to the Word of God

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."—2 Timothy 1:7

In other translations, they use the word cowardice & timidity to define fear in this verse, so that's the definition I believe that the context of this particular passage gives. Of course there are other fears the Bible talks about (fear of the Lord, etc..) that have other definitions, so please note that I'm emphasizing the fear defined above.

Context: [if you know this already, feel free to skip it] Paul writes 2 Timothy as a final exhortation letter to Timothy. His death is imminent although the timing uncertain. This letter is very personal. Paul calls Timothy to continue the fight of faith & faithfulness (Paul mentions being abandoned by others in his time of need). It's crazy that Paul is about to be executed & he writes an encouragement letter to Timothy. Umm, shouldn't it be the other way around? Paul is about to die! But it's precisely Paul's testimony that points Timothy in the right direction: what he calls Timothy to do, he himself has done already. I don't know about you but, knowing that Paul had fears too makes me feel a lot better about myself.

Fears. I've been worrying, fearing & making scenarios in my mind of "what ifs". Anxiety overload shut me down emotionally. It kept me depressed—I didn't get out of bed for TWO days! I was seeking God still but I knew He wanted to reveal the root of my fears.

"Fear paralyses us. It can keep us from all that God has in store for us. If you're afraid you don't know the character of the One whose hand is holding you. Fear kept the Israelites from Canaan. Fear is the opposite of faith; it is a sin. God wants to free you from fear."
—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

It all became clear to me after reading those words: God was asking me to let go of my expectations. I had listened to the lies the enemy fed me. The worst was realizing that they came from me. I was idolizing my expectations over God's plans for my life. I didn't want to be engaged at 21; I wanted to have my degree by 23; I wanted to get married after having that degree; I don't even want to have a wedding in the middle of the semester. I had pictured my life going a certain direction and it dawned to me that it was not what God had in mind. I was serving my expectations and that's where my fear came from. It was all about what I wanted not about what the Lord wanted.

In order to live the life God has for me I have to stop living in the confinements of fear. I must let go of the expectations everyone has for me, including my own. I serve God, not me (or anyone else for that matter). I desire to go to Canaan, to my spiritual promised land.
Yet, more than going to the promised land, I want to obey the Lord.

If you find yourself struggling with fear, your expectations or maybe the expectations someone else has for you, I encourage you to read Isaiah 55 in your time with the Lord. His kindness in this passage will calm your anxious heart.

"...you are disobedient, you are trying to keep some part of your life under your own control. That is what is preventing you from listening to Christ and believing in His grace. You cannot hear Christ because you're willfully disobedient. Somewhere in your heart you are refusing to listen to his call. Your difficulty is your sin."
—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The call for you is to come to Him. Give Him your worries, your fear, your sin.
That is the invitation of Isaiah 55: let go and let God.

(This song is a metaphor of what fear does: you spend all this time worrying, growing apathetic, when you could stop worrying & start living the life you deserve: a life free from the bondage of fear.)

Who am I?

Who am I? They often tell me

I stepped from my cell’s confinement

Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,

Like a squire from his country-house.

Who am I? They often tell me

I used to speak to my warders

Freely and friendly and clearly,

As though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me

I bore the days of misfortune

Equably, smilingly, proudly,

Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?

Or am I only what I myself know of myself?

Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,

Struggling for breath, as though hands were

compressing my throat,

Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,

Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,

Tossing in expectation of great events,

Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,

Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,

Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other?

Am I one person today and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,

And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?

Or is something within me still like a beaten army,

Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!

March 4,1946 - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Anyone can be Batman

© hanhel

I can't believe I'm writing a post with a movie title like that. But hey, a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

First thing, I was blow away by this movie. Great character development, incredibly well made & a good balance of action + romance to keep you interested but not disgusted. This, coming from the girl who values foreign films above US movies—this says a lot. You can say this movie restored the hope of Hollywood actually producing an overall good morals in a movie.

Now, we have this very attractive, orphan millionaire—insert Christian Bale, err uhh, I mean, Bruce Wayne— and the mystery surrounding him. And no, the mystery is not why he is still single, the mystery is the secret he keeps... you may or may not know what it is.

So then this Batman figure appears. Raspy voice, cool gadgets, secret lair—the whole deal. He's the symbol of greater good prevailing, the superhero, the guy that gives it all without asking in return. And over and over, it is being stated: Anyone can be Batman.
While I would never put on a bat-looking mask & a cape (in public anyways), much less stroll the night on some priceless high technology vehicle, I can put on righteousness & imitate Christ. I can be a reflection of the victory of truth, justice & good prevailing. I can be the superhero in my house & city, I can give my all to those who can never repay me because it's worth it. I may be hated or loved by those I help but that cannot be my motivation. I do it because of the mercy, grace & forgiveness I've received. Bruce Wayne could've grown to be a little punk after losing his parents, he could've been angry and resentful. He could've grown to be the evil villain instead of the superhero. But because of the good he saw in Alfred & Commisioner Gordon, he decided to believe in the good inside of him, to see the good in others and to fight evil when it threatened that. Anyone could be Batman, if they wanted to.

In my story, I'm choosing to be the superhero. I'm choosing to be like Jesus.

I believe that's the message of the Gospel: Anyone can be Jesus. Even me.

p.s. I'm building my FAQ page and I need your help! Submit questions via email, formspring &/or tumblr.

Love embraces.

© eros turannos

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
—1 John 4:16

I'm about to say more than I should, bear with me.

Knowing the fullness of God's will

I leave you with the words of the most influential woman in my life. May your heart be encouraged:

    The truth is that none of us knows the will of God for his life. I say for his life—for the promise is "as thou goest step by step I will open up the way before thee". He gives us enough light for today, enough strength for one day at a time, enough manna, our "daily" bread. And the life of faith is a journey from Point A to Point B, from Point B to Point C, as the people of Israel "set out and encamped at Oboth. And they set out from Oboth and encamped at lyeabarim, in the wilderness... From there they set out and encamped on the other side of the Arnon... and from there they continued to Beer...and from the wilderness they went on to Mattanah, and from Mattanah to Nahaliel, and from Nahaliel to Bamoth, and from Bamoth to the valley lying in the region of Moab"
    So far as we know, nothing happened in these places. Oboth, lyeabarim, Arnon, Beer, Mattanah, Nahaliel, Bamoth mean nothing to us. That immense crowd just kep moving. They traveled and they stopped and they made camp and packed up again and traveled some more and made another camp. They complained. There were so many complaints that even Moses, who was a very meek man, could hardly stand the sight of these whom God had called him to lead. But all the time God was with them, leading them, protecting them, hearing their cries, goading and guiding them, knowing where they were going and what His purpose were for them  and He never left them.
—Elisabeth Elliot

appearances don't matter

© Eros Turannos

"...let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted." Hebrews 12:1-3

I'm Ashley, going against all odds since 1991.

Tuesday Visuals: the darkroom.

 "Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives"

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;"

Psalm 23:4

"Yet so often in this place—our darkest night, our deepest wilderness, our greatest despair—when our hope is bleeding out, we call on His name, and He comes. Jesus Christ enters the wreckage of our hearts, our blackest place, our wasteland of hopelessness, and He leads us home."
—Kim Meeder, Fierce Beauty

Dear friends: Do not stay in the place of suffering, walk through it.

*Pictures taken with film

For the love of Him

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep." John 21:15-17

The context of this conversation has confronted the depths of my soul, once again. Jesus is asking Peter if he loves Him... the kind of agape love. Peter responds the first two times with "Yes Lord! I like you like a brother, I phileo you". The third time, however, Jesus changes tactics: "Peter, do you like me? Do you phileo me?" To which Peter responds "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." And after this, Jesus gives Peter a command.

I'm not gonna dig deep here today, I'll leave that up to you. But here's what I want you to take:

If God were to ask you the same question, how would you respond?
Would you say, "Lord, you know I love you more than life!" or, "Lord, you know you're my buddy. I like you, you're awesome... but when things get tough, I run. Our relationship is conditional!"

Our love should be the basis of our ministry and our work. If you do 'agape' Him, how much are you willing to do for the love of Him?

{^click this quote^}

dis-content.

© Troy R Hewitt

"For the present form of this world is passing away."
1 Corinthians 7:31b

Abba has decided to not speak to me much right now. It's something I always respect, I mean, after all, He is God! But my soul has been aching, full of discontentment. I could not, would not, be content.

For the past 2 years, I've been moving from city to city. If I spent a year in one city, it was too much. Luckily, the Lord would move me. But alas, when He called me here it seemed like He wanted me to come with a mindset of permanency. I've been managing for the past 8 months but today I would not have it. So I did what I could do best, I sought Him. Then the Lord spoke through this passage in Corinthians.

Ah, Paul, I'm so in awe of how God still uses you! Paul reminded me that these daily affairs are not eternal. Day-to-day affairs are not eternal. I just needed to say that again because, man, it has felt like they will never end. Even as I was having quite time, my phone kept beeping and ringing with people demanding my attention, meetings requiring my assistance in the future & a mother who was worried my life had perish on a shooting on a main street nearby.

"You’re Brilliantly seen, silently heard Gentle and meek but the greatest protector its You," the words of Sarah MacIntosh play in the background... and I began to weep.
"Lord, you know my heart. You know..."
"I know. I know all things. I know, dearest."

The Lord called me here, to this dark place. Everyday I see how people care less about truth and more about lies. I can't drive anywhere without a homeless addict tapping my window asking for food & money, money I know will become drugs because you can see them injecting it at night. My ears are filled with the silent voice of children being sexually abused and the government ignoring the pleas for help, too busy indulging in corruption. The news are filled with dead corpses of young people who haven't seen their late twenties, some are drug related while many others are innocents who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Funerals are filled with lamentations. It's only normal to get tired of it. God says, "It is only normal why I called you there."

"No one wants an un-tweetable, un-bloggable life," Andrew Byers says,"We want excitement and adventure conducive for really cool status updates, all conveniently captured on Instagram". I've had un-bloggable lately. Don't misunderstand me, great things are happening and I'm busier than ever, but I haven't been content. I've had the need to escape, to only see the future far from here.

"God may actually intend to transform us not by sending us on a plane, but by trapping us in the boring routines & mundane patterns of the daily grind. Our lives can only be lived in the here and now, not in the more exciting and beyond...nothing infuses meaning into lackluster tasks like doing them in radical devotion to the One who penetrated the horizons of death and hell.. and then burst out of the ground to end all futile journeys." —Andrew Byers

God rebuked me and comforted me.
           He makes all things right.. and I am content.

I am kept in the palm of Your hand
You make all things right
Impossibly close, tenderly held
I am surrounded yes I am surrounded by You

-Galaxy Former, Sarah MacIntosh

The inescapable

© allisonwells

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
—Matthew 6:34

Let's talk about it again... time. 
There's a saying that stuck with me growing up that someone would say when people  would ask him 'what's new?':
"What's new? Well the date of course!"


We live in cycles of 365 days, although, each day is different.You will never live on March 1, 2012 ever again, just like I'll never live February 12, 1991 even though I've celebrated my birthday on February 12 for the past 21 years. No two days are alike.

Can I just say one thing?
I am glad the Lord ordered time the way He did. He knew I could only take life one day at a time. Not a week, not a month, not a year, but a day. Jesus confirms this by saying that each day will have enough trouble to deal with. Not only that, He incorporated seasons in our year! We truly serve an amazing God.

However, yesterday was February 29th... We only see this day once every four years, and there's a reason for that. Yesterday, I found myself saying, "Lord, why I on earth did you think I could handle one more this year? One more day of school, of February, of work, of trouble? I can't handle one more day!" By the end of the day (literally, 11:59pm) I was beyond exhausted and to the point of breaking.
And to this He replied "You seem to have your future pretty planned for someone who can't even take one more day."

The Lord spoke loud and clear. I've been too busy planning out my future, what I want/don't want to happen & when I want/don't want it to happen and the Lord was telling me "Selah"... He was asking me to pause.

So teach us to number our days
    that we may get a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12

I only get to live today.
I find myself using today's now, the gift that this moment is, planning my tomorrow, which I am not promised. Planning is not bad, our choices do affect our future, but we have to understand we don't control our future, God does. And if He was wise to order our time, I'm sure He can be trusted with all our days.
That applies to our trouble days too, don't act like you don't get those! I take refuge in knowing that some of the greatest men & women of faith have had troubled days too.
But praise the Lord that,

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
     his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
     great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

We have enough to get through today:

His inescapable time is redeemed by His inescapable mercy.

The Power of The Word.

My lady asked me to write here about the use of scripture in my life. At first this seemed to be an easy feat, but proved to be rather hard. Why? Very simple: what do I write? Yes, I am in the written Word everyday and yes I love it dearly, but what else am I supposed to say?

Power.
The written Word of God has power.
How? Because it is GOD'S written Word!

Notice I say written Word, because in all actuality the Word of God is not the Bible. Yes, you read that right, the Word of God is Jesus Christ. John states this very clearly in John 1. He states,

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was god. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him and without Him was not any thing made that was made."

John is not talking about the Bible, but Jesus Christ. So what is the Bible? The Bible is the apostolic account (or written account) of the Word of God, that is Jesus Christ. Why do I say all of this? I say all of this because this explains why the Bible has power. The Bible, or written Word of God, is the account of Jesus Christ's impact on the world. There is power in Jesus Christ.

It's because of this power that makes reading and living the written Word of God so crucial to our lives. How can we expect to know Christ if we don't know His word? How can we expect to live a life of power and authority in Christ, if we aren't resting in His promises. There are so many defeated Christians in the world because they do not know how to stand on the written Word of God and receive the authority that He has given them through Christ Jesus. I genuinely don't know how I would function without the written Word of God. It is my key to the mind of God.

If you don't already have a devotion time, I encourage you to adopt one. One that I recommend is to choose any narrative in scripture, perhaps David (1 & 2 Samuel), or Esther, or Moses (Exodus), or Jesus (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) and just read a chapter a day. Get a journal and go through S.O.A.P. 

S.- Scripture (write down the scripture)

O.- Observation (Read over the scripture again and allow words or 

phrases to pop out at you and write them down.)

A.- Application (Write out how what you observed can be applied to your life)

P.- Prayer (Write out a prayer to God to help you apply the scripture to your life.)

Getting into the written Word of God will single handily change your life. Don't believe me? Try it for one week and just see God move in your life. I know this because I am living it. God 87% of the time speaks to me through His word, and boy am I grateful for it! 

If you are in the written Word regularly, please comment and share what you are currently reading. It's always encouraging to see what fellow sisters and brothers are reading in their time with the Lord.

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word." 

To truly be loved

© windswept ribbons

When you’re tempted to doubt God’s love for you, stand before the cross and look at the wounded, dying, disfigured Savior, and realize why He is there. I believe His Father would whisper to us, ‘Isn’t this sufficient? I haven’t spared My own Son; I deformed and disfigured and crushed Him — for you. What more could I do to persuade you that I love you?'
—CJ Mahaney

I got this quote from one of my top favorite blogs Paper Angels.
Denise seemed to accurately compliment my thoughts on love during valentines [read her Vday post here].

The following verses have yet to leave my mind:

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.  For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8

What my eyes have been opened to is that God didn't wait for me to be good. He didn't wait for me to get my act together. He didn't wait for me to do something for Him and then decide if He wanted to die for me. No! He just died for me while I was still ungodly; while I was worthless to Him.
I just need to let that sink. in.

I'm so weak and so in need of God that I just feel so filthy if I don't spend a certain amount of time with Him, or if I do quiet times in the afternoon instead of the morning, or if I'm behind in my daily read... I just get so irritated when I feel like I'm not being the perfect Christian sometimes— enough already!

The Bible says that our attempts for holiness are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). He already has done it all and He loves me! That's all I really need from Him and He has given it. Why can't that just be enough to quiet my anxious soul?

His love is sufficient in my weakness, imperfections & mistakes. It was like this when I was ungodly and it's still covering my sinfulness today. I still fall short.

I'm so grateful for this:
To truly be loved.

Feelings, Love & Valentine's

Can feelings be made to order? Can you say, "self, be terribly sad right now!"
No. Feelings cannot be ordered around.

As Valentine's approaches, we might feel the pressure to be in love. We don't want to be forever alone, and this holiday sometimes makes us feel so. The fact that you may have a few friends that are dating (even when it feels like everyone is dating—not true) can also add to the pressure Valentine's brings. Of course, I won't mention the obvious media propaganda that conspires against us.

I'm here to tell you I know how you feel, I've been there myself. And as weird as it sounds, Valentine's has always been my favorite holiday (after my birthday? haha).
Valentine's is much more meaningful now that I know the love that the Bible speaks of:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
—Matthew 22:37

The love the Bible speaks of is more an act of will than a mere fleeting feeling. This is why Jesus has the freedom to command us to love. It goes beyond feelings & spontaneity. Jesus wasn't particularly feeling like dying a torturous death, yet his love for us  went beyond rejection, indifference & torture. He willed to love, even unto death. This type of love is also our guarantee that God will not fall out of love for us. You certainly won't see this type of love on mainstream media!

Here are some tips for Valentine's day {encouraging} fun:

Single ladies: Go out on a date to your favorite place and plan to meet the Lord there. Afterwards, go to a Valentine's bash party with your friends and share stories about true love, the kind that doesn't give up during the tough times. If everyone seems to be doing something, I advice for you to get on board with activities for Valentine's at your church.

Couples: Take a time to share about true love stories from the Bible and what you like most about them. Share the characteristics you'd both love to reflect together. Go out and celebrate love by doing things for couples around you, whether that's having dinner with a wise married couple or helping organize an event for couples at church. Nothing builds true love like service.

Redeeming time

© {peace&love}

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.
—Ephesians 5:15-16

Part of me wished I'd known how busy this semester would be. It's not busy-overwhelming, just busy-time consuming. This is what my life has consisted of:
I was chosen for a position at my youth I did not apply for (a total God thing I might share another time), I've been considering being a part of a group with an extreme cause, usual schoolwork & serving my family. And of course, the time I spend with God and/or getting fit is implied.

Emails have been left unanswered & this blog unattended, and for this, I apologize. I just finished Ephesians and my goal for the past weeks or so was to memorize Scripture from my daily time with God. This portion of Scripture is the one I'm focusing on this week. It really puts my responsibilities in perspective, reminding me to make the best use of time; to be diligent.

I encourage you to be wise in your walk today. Time is not by our side and the days we are living are evil! We are bombarded with things that demand our attention, whether that's our phones, social networks, relationships & church responsibilities. We must make an effort not to waste our time. Unfortunately, that may mean I may have to leave this blog unattended while I fulfill my roles offline. It may mean I'm not able to respond to my emails before their deadline because I have a homework deadline for the same day.

Redeeming time means giving up pleasure before the profit of opportunities.

Be wise.